Gary Lightbody

This guy didn't always annoy me. In fact, I was a huge fan of Snow Patrol's first major-label release. There were a lot of really fantastic songs on that record. I don't mind that side project he worked on a few years ago, either. Sure, the Reindeer Section sounds like a folkier Snow Patrol, but I guess that's what you get when you lump every Scottish indie musician together in a studio and record what happens.

There are actually only two things about Gary Lightbody that actually annoy me. The first is his name. I'm fine with 'Gary'; that's a normal name. I've come to know my fair share of Gary's in my lifetime. It's 'Lightbody'. Doesn't it seem all too fitting that the lead singer for the band that most successfully emulates Coldplay and the whole 'shoegaze' genre would have a last name like that? Lightbody? The guy can't be serious. I hope it's not a fake name; it really makes him seem like he's trying too hard. What do you think people would say if Ben Moody made an emo record? No one would take him seriously just because his last name fits the genre too well. It sounds just sounds dumb.

The second thing that's got me irritated with Gary Lightbody is one of the tracks from Snow Patrol's latest album. The song is entitled 'Hands Open' and the album's called 'Eyes Open'. The song isn't bad until the second or third verse. After the second chorus, we're treated to this brilliant piece of lyrical imagery:

Put Sufjan Stevens on /
and we'll play your favorite song /
"Chicago" bursts to life and your /
sweet smile remembers you /

What?! You can't do that! You can't just drop a name like Sufjan Stevens in the middle of some throw-away dream pop song! What a lame plea for indie cred points! Now, don't get me wrong - I don't know anyone who's a bigger Sufjan fan than I, but those lyrics just irritate me. It just rings false. I feel like this is something Kid Rock would do.

I'm a cowboy bitch and I'm walkin' around /
Listen to Skynyrd 'cause I like the sound /
"Sweet Home Alabama," dat's my favorite song /
Shoulda put it in the soundtrack to dat movie "King Kong" /

You wouldn't buy that, would you? No. I didn't think so. Now that I think about it, though, those lyrics are actually better than Lightbody's. I should probably just shut up - I know I couldn't do any better. But at least I know enough not to try.